BLOGGING TWILIGHT, pt. 8: Never mind, I'm Team Edward

So I've been reading Twilight and writing about my experience-- you can find the previous installments in the archives. I have actually recently outfitted a TUMBLR page to essentially aggregate all of the posts from this site and the AngryFilmsProductions site, at which I also occasionally write about subjects including-but-not-limited-to Twilight. So you can actually just check there, because you will also see videos I have written and (sort of) acted in. It is at http://zaclittle.tumblr.com.

It occurs to me that the “wise-beyond-her-years” narrator device is a pretty clever way to get out of writing in the voice of an actual teenager, just as “writing in the voice of an actual teenager” is a great way to get out of using proper grammar and usage. Stephanie Meyer’s writing exists at the weird nexus between these two excuses. That’s the meanest thing I’ve written about this book so far, but it’s true.

Chapter 8: Port Angeles

Bella goes to Port Angeles with Jessica and Angela (the antagonistic Lauren could not come because of the rescheduling) and is invigorated by “the estrogen rush” (pg. 152). Bella learns that Lauren dislikes her because she likes Tyler (he of the car crash and subsequent botched seduction). What’s more, Tyler has been telling everyone that he is taking Bella to the Prom—an over-interpretation of an earlier exchange when a freshly rejected Tyler says, “there’s always Prom” and Bella replies in the affirmative. This is the pettiest of unreal high school concerns, and yet I was OUTRAGED at this.

Bella manages to get a bit of gossip out of Angela when she asks if the Cullens are often out of school. Angela says they are out whenever the weather is nice, because Dr. Cullen takes them all hiking. He doesn’t have duties at the hospital? Guess you can't get sick when the weather's nice in Forks! This town has weirder rules than that, I guess.

When the girls finish shopping, Bella breaks off from the group for a while to find a bookstore. The one Jessica directs her to is a little dowdy, so she wanders off further, maybe in search of a Borders or something. Volvo doesn’t own any bookstores so no brand names are mentioned. She gets briefly harassed by a group of slightly older guys, but extracts herself, only to have two of the four start following her. Naturally, she gets freaked out. It’s getting dark, and she seems to have failed in her efforts to find another commercial center—it’s pretty desolate on the street.

The situation dawns on Bella over several pages; it is really well done and dread-filled. Bella tries to ditch the two following her, only to find the other two and the end of a street—they were cornering her. Bella tries to remember the self-defense moves she knows and prepares to scream just as a car flies around the corner. A familiar voice commands her to get in, and guess who it is? Edward pulls away, swerving intentionally toward the would-be gang-rapists but not actually running them over. Edward is full of righteous anger, and it is awesome. I am Team Edward.

“Are you okay?” I asked, surprised at how hoarse my voice sounded.
“No,” he said curtly, and his tone was livid. (pg. 162)

That “and” (and "was") notwithstanding, the conversation in the car is great.

“Distract me, please,” he ordered.
“I’m sorry, what?”
He exhaled sharply. [paragraph break sic:]
“Just prattle on about something unimportant until I calm down,” he clarified, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. (pg. 163)

Part of me wanted Bella to order Edward back there to dismember those mooks in short order, but Bella is not Carmela Soprano. Instead, Edward insists on taking Bella to dinner. They find Angela and Jessica, who have been waiting a while, but not sufficiently panicked for my taste.

There’s a lot of comedy in this chapter derived from Edward talking to other women—given his reticent school persona, he clearly doesn’t make much use of his sex-eyes power. When he asks if he can join the girls at dinner, he nearly knocks Jessica unconscious.

EDWARD:
"May I join you?"

JESSICA:

But it turns out the other girls already ate while they were waiting. So Edward offers to drive Bella home himself, and the girls leave. At the restaurant, the hostess greets Edward “a little more warmly then necessary” as far as Bella is concerned (pg. 167). He requests a more private table than the one they are given first—Bella notes she’s never seen anyone make such a demand outside of old movies—and when the hostess brings them to a more isolated area he flashes a smile that momentarily stupefies the poor girl.

The brand-name embargo is lifted at the restaurant—Bella and Edward both order “Cokes” and not “colas.” So there’s that. It does provide a funny quote when taken out of context—this exchange happens when Bella starts shivering:

“Are you cold?”
“It’s just the coke,” I explained, shivering again. (pg. 169)

I might have neglected to capitalize one of those words up there.

The conversation is long but whatever distance was once between them has dissolved. Edward is honest with Bella about his ability to read minds and more or less confesses to being a vampire without using the word “vampire.” The problem is, I don’t know if Bella is getting the message or not.

When Bella asks hypothetically about how reading minds would work, and Edward engages the question, Bella says she is “thrilled that he was playing along” (pg. 172). Eventually the hypothetical pretense drops away, but Bella still seems to think she’s a few layers removed from the truth. In the next chapter she feels ridiculous “asking for clarification on make-believe” when he is still explaining the finer points of mind-reading (pg. 180). Other than the occasional aside like this, there’s no strong indication whether we readers are supposed to think Edward is lying or Bella is stupid. We’re stuck in the middle, not knowing if we should believe Edward or believe Bella’s disbelief (if that’s even what it is). It’s a little distracting.

Edward remarks that Bella seems prone to trouble—that only she could almost get gang-raped in a small town. Funny guy, by the way! “You would have devastated their crime rate statistics for a decade,” he says (pg. 173). “Crime rate statistics” is an irritating redundancy that has been bothering me ever since I read it. And yes, in case you are thinking it: “irritating redundancy” is a redundancy to anyone who understands the basic concept of redundancy.

He also basically tells Bella he almost murdered her—she jokes that he’s saved her life two times now and maybe her number is just up. “Your number was up the first time I met you,” he says (pg. 175). Naturally, this turns Bella on. A few lines down there is this:

“You remember?” he asked, his angel’s face grave. (pg. 175).

Angel’s Face Grave is my new band name. He explains that he followed her to Port Angeles and kept mental tabs on Jessica but eventually lost track, at which point he stumbled upon the inner thoughts of the would-be-rapists. Rape make Edward angry. He almost crush puny humans. But he didn’t. They leave the restaurant, and as the chapter ends Edward tells Bella it’s her turn to answer questions. That’s right: this conversation lasts two chapters.