WRITING TWILIGHT: Holland, 1945

The vast world of Twilight Fan Fiction is one I admit I am only slightly familiarized with so far. I'm trying to keep the slate clean for the rest of the books and all, but I can't help but occasionally try my hand at it. I also can't help but occasionally take a look; you people out there are really into writing about Bella's masturbatory habits! Obviously that won't be the subject of today's entry; what Bella does in the shower is her own business. Today I'm taking on the difficult task of filling in Alice's backstory. Details are sketchy, I know, but I'm pretty sure this is exactly what happened:

"Holland, 1945"

In the summer of 1945, the Cullen family walked through the woods somewhere in Holland. Dr. Carlisle Cullen led his party dashingly through the trees. His wife, Esme, was close behind; his sons Edward, Emmett, and his daughter Rosalie followed at a distance of a few meters.
“Carlisle” said Edward.
“Yes?”
“Why haven’t we gotten involved in this war? I’ve heard some terrible things have happened to the Jews—it seemed like maybe we could have helped.”
“It’s a good question, Edward,” Carlisle said thoughtfully.
“And what’s the answer?” Rosalie asked.
“For one thing, it’s sort of the cardinal rule that we vampires keep a low profile.”
“That doesn’t seem like it should stop us,” Edward said. “A few years ago when I was killing child molesters I was able to do so without attracting a lot of attention.”
“And why didn’t you kill Hitler, back then?” Carlisle asked defensively.
“I don’t know,” Edward said. “It was a confusing time in my life, and I suppose I didn’t have my priorities straight. But when I think about it now, it seems like a moral no-brainer. We’ve been in and around Europe a few times in the last couple years, and I don’t see why we never stopped in Germany to kick a little Nazi ass.”
“We are non-violent, Edward,” Carlisle said, getting a little testy.
“But isn’t our whole moral proposition that we are refraining from doing evil? Isn’t not acting to end violence a kind of violence of its own? Isn’t non-intervention itself evil, in a case like this?”
“No,” Carlisle said. “Okay, maybe.”
“They’re Jews, though,” Esme chimed in. “They haven’t accepted the healing power of Jesus, so why do we care about saving them?”
“Esme,” Emmett said sternly, “that’s a fucking horrible thing to say.”
Just then they were stunned to encounter a clearing in which a pale, thin girl sat calmly on a rock, naked except for a torn straitjacket.
Carlisle silenced his family. He looked at Edward for confirmation.
“One of us,” Edward whispered.
Carlisle signaled for his family to make themselves scarce—she could be dangerous, and he would talk to the the girl alone.
“Young woman,” Carlisle called out in a friendly voice as he approached. “My name is Carlisle Cullen. I’m a vampire, like you.”
“Curiouser and curiouser,” the girl replied.
“My family, we’re sort of er—vegetarians,” he started.
But the girl started taking off his pants.

After they finished having sex, Carlisle found his family waiting several hundred yards away. “My guess is she just escaped from an asylum,” Carlisle said. “What’s your read on her, Edward?”
“She’s confused,” Edward said. “She doesn’t know how she got here. And she’s…sexually aroused.”
“Still?” Carlisle asked, beside himself.
Esme glanced at him sideways.
“I mean, uh, that’s interesting,” Carlisle said quickly. “Edward, why don’t you talk to her?”
Edward found her in the same place, only now she wasn’t wearing the straitjacket anymore.
“Hi,” Edward said nervously. “My family and I, we were thinking you might like to…come with us.”
“In what way?” the girl asked, her eyes lighting up.
“As in, travel with us,” Edward replied, confused.
“Oh, I thought you meant something different.”
“Well, what do you think?”
But Edward saw what she was thinking, and it had nothing to do with leaving the clearing.

After they finished having sex, Edward returned to his family. “I don’t know. Rosalie, Emmett, why don’t you go reason with her?”
So Emmett and Rosalie went to talk to the strange girl.
“I had a vision you two would be coming,” the girl said as they approached.
“You mean like, walking toward you in the woods?” Rosalie asked.
“No,” the girl smiled. “That’s not what I meant.”

After they finished having sex, the girl finally rose gracefully and followed them out of the clearing. She said her name was Alice, and the rest of the family introduced themselves.
“What should we do now?” Emmett asked.
“Well, I still don’t have any clothes,” Alice said. “What should we do about that?”

After they finished having sex, the Cullen family gave Alice some spare clothes and they all headed for Sweden, a new sister in tow. They would later learn that Alice had escaped from the asylum years ago, and that she’d just been really, really, really high that fateful day in the forest.

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