BLOGGING NEW MOON, pt. 9: Don't Call It A Comeback

Previous entries can be found in the directory.

Chapter 6: Friends

Jacob and Bella hang out in Jacob’s shed—Bella notes that Billy wouldn’t be able to get out there and find out about the motorcycles because of the “uneven ground” separating them from the house. Wow, Bella is kind of a bitch! The man is handicapped! Show some respect!

Jacob is telling Bella about his two best friends just as they arrive. The two boys stop short when they see Jacob with a girl, which I take is a rare occurrence. Introductions are made; they are called Quil and Embry—Quil is burly and Bella admires his “well developed chest” while he admires hers. It turns out they know about her already—Jacob must have her name carved into his bedroom wall or something—and the two of them can barely contain their hysteria the entire time Bella is there. They get distracted momentarily when they hear about this bikes, of course. This echoes the boys of Forks High staring at Rosalie’s BMW when they should have been staring at Rosalie. In S. Meyer’s world, boys are more interested in mufflers than… you know what? I’m not going to finish that joke.

It’s hard to tell how far S. Meyer intends to take the sexual humor in this scene. Bella mentions getting “riding lessons” from Jacob and Embry grins and whispers something Bella doesn’t hear. It certainly seems like he is making a reference to Jacob’s dick, but you never really know with this book. Bella has to leave, but she asks if she can come tomorrow.

“I’m sure you’ll come tomorrow.”-Quil Ateara

Jacob asks if they are boring her. “Naw,” Bella says. Naw? Jacob is obviusly rubbing off on Bella. (You’re welcome.) She leaves and hears Jacob telling his friends to stay away tomorrow. She giggles. Shouldn’t she be sort of concerned that it sounds like Jacob is planning on fucking her tomorrow?

She goes home and gets dinner ready by the time Charlie arrives, and briefly freaks him out with her good mood. He asks if she had a good time with Jacob and she replies in the affirmative. He asks her what they did and she tells him about everything except the motorcycles. “The interrogation had to stop when Charlie began chewing,” Bella says. Interrogation? He asked you exactly TWO questions. Bella tries to avoid going to bed for the rest of the night, fearing the nightmares, but eventually Charlie gets up from where they are both sitting in the living room and turns the lights off on her. Such a Charlie move!

She goes to bed terrified of what she will dream about, but ends up sleeping soundlessly and waking up freaked out about how well-rested she feels.

“Good. You’ll need the energy.”-Quil Ateara

At breakfast Bella tells Charlie about how she’s going to hang out with Jacob and he mentions that Harry Clearwater is coming up from the Reservation to watch a sporting event of some kind. Bella suggests they invite Billy, so she and Jacob can be alone. “That’s a great idea,” Charlie says. Nice parenting, Charlie.

“See you later, Bells. Use a rubber, or at least make sure Jacob pulls out in time.”-Charlie Swan

“If you guys are going to do ecstasy and fuck in the woods be sure to drink plenty of water.”-Charlie Swan

When Bella gets to Jacob’s house it’s raining and he runs out to collect her with an umbrella. Such a gentleman! Bella becomes aware of the fact that she is smiling without conscious effort now. Hey, me too! It’s funny how Bella stops having to force herself through life at the precise moment that we have to stop forcing ourselves through this book! What the hell was wrong with those last few chapters?

Jacob starts talking about how expensive this repair job may be, and Bella seems insufficiently worried. “I’m talking about maybe more than a hundred dollars here,” he says. I’m as broke as anyone and I laughed at that; Jacob is like a five year old. That is very cheap when it comes to automobile repair! Bella flashes her checkbook—literally, that isn’t a euphemism for anything—and she’s like “money ain’t a thang, bitch.” I bet she got a couple of nice raises out of Mike Newton, since I’m sure he’s gotten plenty out of her.

So they go off in search of parts and Bella continues to be shocked at how happy she is, at how Jacob is such a relentlessly happy presence:

Like an earthbound sun, whenever someone was in his gravitational pull, Jacob warmed them.

Okay, but that is not really how suns work. The warming part is not really conditional on the gravity part, but whatever. In the car they talk about Jacob’s friends more. He notes that Quil seems to like her, and Bella says she’s too old for him. Jacob takes issues with that, and Bella realizes “we weren’t talking about Quil anymore.” This segues into a lot of banter about how to really measure age, and they flirt a lot. Back in the shed, Bella admires Jacob’s skill with his hands as he sorts through their parts.

“You know what they say about skilled hands…”-Bella "Cougartown" Swan

Eventually Billy starts calling for them—he’s back, apparently—but they are like “fuck you, cripple.” Then they hear Charlie and they rush out of the shed so no one who can actually walk will find the bikes. Jacob holds Bella’s hand to guide her through the dark, and when they find Charlie et al. on the porch Jacob doesn’t let go right away. Charlie seems to notice.

Turns out there are a bunch of people at the Black’s house, and they have a little cookout. Bella doesn’t really talk, she just sits there and enjoys the laughter and good feelings like someone’s grandma. On the way home, Charlie asks if she’s going to see Jacob soon. She says tomorrow. He is still happy, which is weird.

“Wear something low cut.”-Charlie Swan

At home Bella grows anxious. “I was sure I wouldn’t get away with two peaceful nights of sleep in a row,” she says. Ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy, Bella?

Sure enough she wakes up the next morning screaming, but this time the dream was a little different—that Sam Uley dude was in Bella’s usual little Pinter play, glaring silently in the forest.

When I didn’t look directly at him, his shape seemed to shiver and change in my peripheral vision.

Something tells me that is going to be relevant somehow! Like maybe this book will include people who change shapes or something! Oh, and Bella can dream the future now? Is that going to be developed further or is it just a cheap foreshadowing device?

In school that day it occurs to Bella that everyone is ignoring her—she’s been shut down for so long that even her teachers don’t acknowledge her existence. But she’s lucid now, so she starts paying attention, observing how people have changed. She muses bitchily for quite a while about Lauren’s ugly new haircut (it is seriously a full, vindictive paragraph about how she must have gotten scalped or something, and it is great) before actually joining the conversation at lunch, an act which ends up being like, a cataclysmic event. Lauren is making fun of Angela for believing in the stories going around about a giant bear in the woods, but Bella rises to her defense. She mentions that some hikers had spotted the bear too, but no one really listens to the substance of her words so much as they freak out that she is speaking at all. Mike and Angela seem happy, Jessica and Lauren seem pissed. But who the fuck are these people, even? The kids at Forks High are so inconsequential it’s hard to give a shit.

Bella talks to Angela on the way out of the cafeteria and realizes this is the one-year anniversary of her arrival in Forks. Back then most of the town was fascinated by her, and now most of them could care less. I promise to never reference the Monomyth/Hero’s Journey again, but New Moon does function as a “Refusal of the Call” story, which is the standard sequel trope in the Spiderman movies, the old Superman ones, and basically everything written by Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci. Edward walks away from his responsibility, and everything goes to hell around Bella in a direct parallel to the events of Twilight. It’s different in that elements of the Hero’s Journey are being divided between Bella and Edward; of course Bella is the one who has to endure the consequences while Edward goes off and has fun. Dick.