BLOGGING ECLIPSE, pt. 36: Zen And The Art Of Motorcycle Accidents

Epilogue! What is the narrative purpose of an epilogue when you have another book coming? I'm only really bringing this up because when we started this book I questioned the need for a preface, and I think I was on to something.

I'm beginning to question the logic of these glimpses into the future we get at the start of each new installment. Much like visiting a psychic, we get a bunch of vague sentiments that only make sense when they make sense - when they fit somewhere…These flash-forwards have no function in terms of dramatic irony - we don't get enough information for that. And since these books are not exactly aggressively plotted it's hard to even remember what was in the preface by the time you get to the climax.

Do you remember what happened in the preface to Eclipse? Me either! I also said this:

One would think that of all the threats facing Bella, Victoria's at-bat should come first; Chekov once said that if there's a Victoria on the wall in the first book she needs to kill someone or be killed in the third.

Nailed it. But anyway, there is kind of a purpose for this epilogue. Meet our new narrator, Jacob Black! WHAT? Previous entries can be found in the directory. (By the way, this is the last official installment of "Blogging Eclipse." We'll do some final thoughts after the holiday before I start "Blogging Breaking Dawn." Thanks for reading.)

Epilogue: Choice

We learn that Jacob Black is suddenly narrating our story via a handy header that reads "Jacob Black." Okay then. I mean, it's a little on the snout (because of wolves) but what is your alternative? In this scene, Jacob is standing somewhere with Leah Clearwater, so I suppose the first few lines could be like:

"Hey, Jacob! Something something something."
"Something that confirms I am Jacob," I replied.

Oh, whoops, that is basically what they are anyway. So okay, it is very firmly established that Jacob is narrating now. He's standing somewhere talking to Leah, and she's being annoying. S. Meyer makes some minor stylistic changes to accommodate this shift, which is nice. I'm glad Jacob's narration isn't indicated by a different font or something like that, which you have to admit wouldn't be that surprising. Most noticeably, he uses a lot of sentence fragments in keeping with our notion of Jacob as a moron. It would be kind of inspired if there were spelling errors too, but there aren't. He's plenty misogynistic, though!

I remembered back to when I used to think that Leah was pretty, maybe even beautiful. That was a long time ago.

YA BURNT LEAH! Jacob doesn't think you're pretty anymore! Leah starts bitching all shrewishly about something. Women, am I right Jacob? But seriously, she's apparently upset because Jacob's thoughts have been poisoning her dreams:

"I don't even like Bella Swan. And you've got me grieving over this leech-lover like I'm in love with her, too. Can you see where that might be a little confusing? I dreamed about kissing her last night! What the hell am I supposed to do with that?"

S. Meyer has quite a few inspired little tricks relating to the wolf-pack hive-mind here, pity that it took us until now to hear about them. Jacob counters that he has been forced to experience homo-erotic thoughts about Sam Uley because of his connection to Leah. Does that mean Sam Uley experiences homo-erotic thoughts about HIMSELF? (Whoops, I just found my next fanfiction.) It took me a little while to realize our characters were in human form, because of stuff like this:

"Really, kid." She ignored me, throwing herself into a sprawl on the ground next to me. "You have no idea how hard this is for me."

That's what she said! Leah, I mean. Do you think a few more clauses could have ended with the word "me" up there? But the point is, she's in human form, throwing herself into a sprawl? I hesitate to call that unladylike, but it would be in keeping with the tone of this epilogue. Leah (or as Jacob calls her, the "bitter harpy") antagonizes Jacob, telling him Edward will probably kill Bella during the vamping. From Jacob's perspective, we get a little more detail as to the Incredible Hulk-like process of transforming; he gets a "red haze" in his eyes and a "slide of fire" down his spine. But he calms himself, Namaste and all that. Jacob's taunting about Sam Uley in response is too much for Leah though - she heads for the woods.

(The running theme of this chapter is characters being able or unable to get a hold of their horses. Leah can't, and Jacob can for a while but something will soon happen that causes him to lose his cool; will Edward be able to keep himself calm enough during the sex and/or vamping? Did I just blow your mind with my ability to access the central thematic thrust of this epilogue so easily? I've had 35 installments worth of practice.)

Jacob tries to work through his emotions. It's an echo of Bella doing the same thing earlier in this book, but even dumber. He doesn't care so much that Bella chose Edward over him, but what really upsets him is the fact that she's going to be a vampire. But what REALLY REALLY upsets him is that she could accidentally die. But what SUPER MEGA UPSETS HIM is that he doesn't think Bella will die, he actually trusts Edward not to fuck it up, and he resents that trust. I refuse to believe that Jacob operates at more than one level of emotion at a time, let alone three! Consider my belief suspended.

In another parallel to Bella's worries, Jacob then wonders if he'll want to kill Bella when he sees her as a vampire. Hey, she was worried she'd want to kill him! This is a page or two after he bragged about having his temper in check by the way; he didn't phase even though Leah did in response to their little fight. So why are you worried? Either you're a zen master or you're not Jacob!

He leaves whatever vague place he is and heads home. He bitches about the "retarded" sling and crutches he is pretending to need as a result of his fake motorcycle accident. So we are to understand that some time has passed, and I respect S. Meyer for not coming right out and saying "it had been four weeks" (or worse, having a character say "Jacob, it's been four weeks!"). Jacob goes home and complains about his father being particularly chatty; He thinks Billy seems nervous about something. I sense utterly no emotion coming from Jacob with regard to his father, their relationship is identical to Bella's relationship with Billy. That is, he is too thinly drawn a character to meaningfully interact with anyone.

Anyway, Billy is trying to avoid telling Jacob that that they have been invited to Bella's wedding. he eventually hands Jacob the envelope.

It was heavy, stiff paper. Expensive. Too fancy for Forks. The card inside was the same, too done up and formal.

Just like how Alice likes her men: done up and formal. And crisp and white and thick. "Bella had nothing do to with this," Jacob laments ("Damn straight"-Alice Cullen, probably wearing a headset while also yelling at a florist). Along with the invitation is a note from Edward. He's inviting Jacob apparently against Bella's wishes. "But I know that, if things had gone the other way, I would have wanted the choice," he writes. I never got the "choice" motif, I guess because I never saw Bella ending up with Jacob as a valid possibility. I don't think that is a result of coming to the books after-the-fact as I have, either; it's pretty fucking clear this is where we've been headed for a while. But whatever, I guess now there's a cliffhanger for the next book: will Jacob come to the wedding? I know it doesn't have the same kick as "Will Victoria kill Bella?" but it'll do.

The answer is still probably no, though. Jacob gets up and leaves the house; he turns into a wolf and starts running. In his head, Quil and Embry offer their telepathic condolences in another inspired little turn. They beg Jacob to let them accompany him on the spiritual quest he is apparently embarking on, but Sam Uley chimes in and tells them to leave Jacob alone. He even orders them to return to human form to leave him with this thoughts. Nice guy, that Sam Uley. Except for the face ripping thing.

Jacob keeps running and running; he remarks that he could keep going like this forever. GOOD. It's too bad there isn't an actual end to the earth that Jacob could run off of, that would be great. "I would never go back," he resolves. YES. PERFECT.

I pushed my legs faster, letting Jacob Black disappear behind me.

(Wait, I thought Jacob was the narrator! JKJKJK) He's leaving forever! HOORAY! Good fucking riddance, Jacob! Yeah right. I can dream, but I'm not that naive anymore, my life is Twilight. See you next book, fuck face!