Thursday, December 16, 2010

WRITING BREAKING DAWN: Alice Cullen Sets Bella's Khaki Skirt On Fire

In the ideal version of Breaking Dawn, this would follow Chapter 3. The (theoretical) end to Bella's human life will hopefully signal the end of her awful, broken brain, but for sure it will at least signal an end to her choice in clothing. Alice made as much clear in the original text. Allow me, if you will, to drive the point home.

"Alice Cullen Sets Bella's Khaki Skirt On Fire"

Alice Cullen was already in the closet, pulling out turtlenecks and long skirts with violent speed, when her sister Rosalie hopped gracefully through the window. “This doesn't seem necessary,” Rosalie said softly.
“People said that about the Nuremburg Trials too, you know,” Alice grinned.
Rosalie sat on the edge of the bed and watched the clothing start to pile up at her feet.
“Shit, Rose,” Alice said, holding one garment in her hands for a moment before tossing it into the pile, “you can't tell me a straight girl would own this much flannel.”
“Still holding out hope, huh?” Rosalie smiled.
“Shut up,” Alice said. She found Bella's khaki skirt and lifted it triumphantly over her head. “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury: I give you exhibit Alpha and Omega.”
“Okay, so Bella's fashion sense is terrible. I'll give you that.”
“Rosalie, the editor of Duh Aficionado magazine called - they want to put you on the masthead. Her fashion sense is fucking tragic, okay? It's fucking genocide.”
“But I'm saying: won't buying her a new wardrobe be cathartic enough for you? We really have to have a bonfire?”
Alice stopped and glared at Rosalie fiercely. “I can't even begin to convey to you how I have suffered this past year, looking at this girl, and knowing what I could do with her.”
“Are you talking about her clothes or... something else?” Rosalie raised an eyebrow.
“Her clothes! She could have it so much better than she has. Could be treated so much better.”
Rosalie arched her eyebrow higher.
“By her clothes, I mean.” Alice coughed and stared at the pile of clothes on the floor.
“Alice,” Rosalie said softly. “She married him. I know that is hard for you to accept. But nothing will ever happen between the two of you.”
“Ever?” Alice said, trying to almost physically force away the doubt. “You think she's going to be content fucking Edward for all time?”
“She'll never know anything better,” Rosalie said. “Inertia, you know?”
“Fuck.” Alice sank gracefully to the floor. “You're right. Inertia. I'm sorry I dragged you out here.”
“It's okay. This will be fun! I'll gather some dry wood.” Rosalie stood.
“No, we don't need to have the fire. It was a silly idea.”
“We're not leaving until we burn that skirt, at least.”
Alice looked up at her sister and smiled. "Thanks Rose," she said weakly.

3 comments:

Ally said...

aww... that was supposed to be funny, but now I feel bad for fictional, fictional Alice :(

Emma said...

I wonder if S.Meyer dresses like Bella does... Wouldn't suprise me.
Which reminds me- have you noticed how much the Bella S.Meyer describes looks like her? They're like, the same person, right down to the "slightly too full bottom lip" And as this is written in first person, it's kinda like The Twilight Sage is just S.Meyer's fantasies.

ZL said...

S. Meyer has said she started writing after having a dream about Edward. She didn't say exactly what kind of dream it was...

And Ally, I started out wanting to write something funny and went another way with it.

My new goal is to write some fan fiction that actually makes someone cry.