I'm continuing to feel like we're just re-calibrating. S. Meyer wanted Bella to be a vampire, but didn't want to really have to deal with the aftermath of such a thing. So she wrote it, and then wrote around all of the possible consequences. Now the same thing is happening with the baby. In this chapter, we learn about how Renesmee is not at all like those evil vampire babies we heard about early on. She's a little paranormal angel! OH GREAT. I'm fine with life as a vampire and parent being nothing but a good time, but SOMETHING needs to be difficult because otherwise why is this even a book? We've got nothing left except our characters, who are not just sitting around EXISTING, and we're waiting for new story elements to fall into their laps. In the final third of the final book of a series.Previously: We talked Sexism and Sucker Punch, and if you're not going to see it out of protest you should watch Summer's Moon this weekend instead. Not that it's going to be less sexist, but Ashley Greene is in it!
Chapter 22: Promise
Still in the woods outside the Cullen house, Bella thinks about Renesmee (RNSM, hereafter, enough is enough) and feels her vampire brain auto-focus on the subject. She asks Edward about her, and hears the “religious devotion” in his voice when he says she's “like nothing else in the world.” Edward is so proud, like, LOOK WHAT I DID WITH MY SEMEN*!
Chapter 22: Promise
Still in the woods outside the Cullen house, Bella thinks about Renesmee (RNSM, hereafter, enough is enough) and feels her vampire brain auto-focus on the subject. She asks Edward about her, and hears the “religious devotion” in his voice when he says she's “like nothing else in the world.” Edward is so proud, like, LOOK WHAT I DID WITH MY SEMEN*!
(*Semen-like venom substance)
We hear that RNSM has a heartbeat that beats faster than a humans and runs a slightly higher body temperature. Like Jacob. She can sleep, and sleeps peacefully. How does Jacob sleep at night? Seriously, I'm asking. Edward points out the irony of the “only parents in the world who don't need sleep,” having a child who sleeps though the night. That's the second time in two pages Edward has invoked the “only ___ in the world.” Is he developing a complex or just listening to Rihanna too much?
(Admission that should be embarrassing but isn't, for some reason: I've been listening to Taylor Swift's “Love Story” almost nonstop for several days. I don't know if that has anything to do with this or not.)
RNSM drinks blood, but can also eat human food; Edward says Carlisle has been trying to persuade her to do so more often. That they are apparently negotiating gets Bella wise to the fact that apparently RNSM can be communicated with, which is weird since she is like three days old. Does the math check out on the speed of RNSM's growth? I'm saying: is the speed of her gestation proportional to the speed of her early development? Maybe it happens in random spurts, like punctuated equilibrium. Is it AT ALL possible that S. Meyer knows what punctuated equilibrium is? And also: when does the super-fast aging stop, or does it, even? Maybe this will be like that movie Jack. Is she going to die at her high school graduation?
We hear that RNSM has a heartbeat that beats faster than a humans and runs a slightly higher body temperature. Like Jacob. She can sleep, and sleeps peacefully. How does Jacob sleep at night? Seriously, I'm asking. Edward points out the irony of the “only parents in the world who don't need sleep,” having a child who sleeps though the night. That's the second time in two pages Edward has invoked the “only ___ in the world.” Is he developing a complex or just listening to Rihanna too much?
(Admission that should be embarrassing but isn't, for some reason: I've been listening to Taylor Swift's “Love Story” almost nonstop for several days. I don't know if that has anything to do with this or not.)
RNSM drinks blood, but can also eat human food; Edward says Carlisle has been trying to persuade her to do so more often. That they are apparently negotiating gets Bella wise to the fact that apparently RNSM can be communicated with, which is weird since she is like three days old. Does the math check out on the speed of RNSM's growth? I'm saying: is the speed of her gestation proportional to the speed of her early development? Maybe it happens in random spurts, like punctuated equilibrium. Is it AT ALL possible that S. Meyer knows what punctuated equilibrium is? And also: when does the super-fast aging stop, or does it, even? Maybe this will be like that movie Jack. Is she going to die at her high school graduation?
(Did you know Francis Ford Coppola directed Jack? What in the actual fuck of all that is holy?)
Bella's also wondering why Jacob is still kicking around—she feels bad for him, thinking he must be suffering. Edward is maddeningly reluctant to tell Bella that Jacob has imprinted on her daughter—I mean, Bella has been mentioning Jacob non-stop for two chapters only to be greeted with absolute silence every single time—and he eventually explains that Jacob begged for the right to explain it to her himself. And he agreed to that? Edward's reaction is far too measured. I can't believe that he fervently loves his daughter on the one hand but didn't rip Jacob's balls off with the other. Be decisive, just this once, asshole! Edward is Barack Obama.
Edward gives Bella his shirt because—it is implied—her tits are hanging out of her dress, and they run home. Bella is surprised when Jacob comes out to meet them, well, more like ambushes them. It becomes clear that he is doing so in order to test Bella's self control before she touches RNSM. Our narrator is shocked by Jacob's selflessness, risking himself for her baby, for whom he ain't even care. I get the irony, but this is really boring irony, right? The other problem with this is that it has been firmly established since New Moon that vampires and werewolves are repulsed by each other. But WHATEVER, maybe newborns are less picky about their food. Of course, we just recently learned Bella is not like a newborn much at all, really, but I already said WHATEVER.
Bella resists killing Jacob, and pretty soon they're just trading insults and Bella is marveling at what a good guy Jacob is. You say that now! When Edward kisses Bella and tells her he loves her, Bella is astonished to see that there is no change in Jacob's expression, no brief reveal of inner anguish. She must be so disappointed.
“Wait, this isn't making Jacob feel horrible? Stop kissing me, Edward!”-Bella Cullen
“I can't orgasm unless it is at the expense of someone else.” Bella Cullen
Jacob is not the first person to look at Bella and remark that she barely looks like herself. (“You still look like you... sort of. Maybe it's not the look so much as... you are Bella. I didn't think it would feel like you were still here.”) Is this a detail that is going to be ignored by the films, or is Vampire Bella going to be played by Jena Malone or Kat Dennings or something?
The reveal about Jacob is delayed over and over again: Bella will ask an impertinent question or there will be a reference to RNSM and either Edward or Jacob will change the subject. The irritating part is that Bella POINTS OUT that they are changing the subject, but doesn't press the issue even after people have very obviously avoided discussing it with her LITERALLY a dozen times.
So then it is time to go see the baby. Recall that early in this book we heard about the immortal terror babies that once plagued the earth, forcing the Volturi to go on a world-wide abortion spree. Our first glimpse of RNSM suggested that maybe she'd be something similar: she did bite Bella's tit, after all. And wouldn't that have been an interesting way to go? The story of the horrors of being new, young parents amplified by supernatural elements. You think your kid was bad? Wait until you see RNSM hit the terrible twos (three days from now)!
But that would have been, you know, complex and interesting. And this is Twilight, and those two adjectives have no place here. RNSM is a perfect docile wonder child. Ho-hum.
Bella first sees her baby behind a protective wall of Cullens, and is entranced by her from the get-go. There is a protracted scene in which Bella wants to hold her baby but Jasper and Emmett won't let her, and then Jasper is shocked (and maybe kind of jealous?) over Bella's self control, and all the while Alice just stands off to the side urging Jasper and the rest of the Cullens to stop wasting time and just let Bella have her fucking baby already. In so many words. So does that mean Alice's powers have returned to her? There is no explanation yet.
There's a genuinely entertaining moment, though, when Edward seems to deliberately toy with his family, mentioning that they ran into a hiker on their hunting trip. Carlisle, Esme, and Jacob are immediately shocked and appalled, Emmett and Jasper seem unsurprised. As for Alice:
Alice's expression told me that she was not fooled. Her narrowed eyes, focused with burning intensity on my borrowed shirt, seemed more worried about what I'd done to my dress than anything else.
Or she's trying to see your nipples. Edward reveals what happened, that Bella didn't kill anybody, and most of the Cullens are pleased. But Jasper doesn't seem to be taking it well. Can I give S. Meyer a little credit? This is pretty cool, and is cooler for being underdeveloped. When Bella tries to press through the Cullens to get to her baby, Jasper won't let her.
“Jazz, this isn't anything you've seen before,” Alice said quietly. “Trust me.”
RNSM has caused problems for both Alice and Jasper, made them question their abilities, which is kind of a funny twist on what happens to childless couples when all of their friends have kids. Alice & Jasper are Pete & Trudy Campbell.
So everyone in the family is apparently pretty obsessed with RNSM, but mostly Jacob, Rose, Edward, and now Bella. All the people I hate the most, in other words. This scene approaches ridiculousness with the way at least two people seem to be holding on to RNSM at all times. When Bella finally gets her baby in her arms, Jacob is holding her too, their bodies practically pressed together.
When Bella holds her child she has a motherly moment of recognition, and suddenly holding her is perfectly “natural.” Does that include the pedophile werewolf crowding your space? But anyway, the big thing that happens is RNSM touches Bella's face, and projects an image into her mind. Like the Vulcan mind meld, basically. (Spock was a half-breed too, right?) Edward alluded to this earlier, that RNSM can communicate even though she doesn't speak. Carlisle remarks that it's like she has the opposite of Edward's power—he can pull thoughts from people's brains, she can put them there. Does that mean if Alice and Jasper had a kid, it would be like, a really good historian who could mellow him-or-herself out really easily? A history professor at Berkley, maybe? And if Rosalie and Emmett had a kid, it would be really nice and really smart? HEYYOOOO. Anyway, RNSM gives Bella an image of the birth scene, which is a really nice thing to remind your mother about.
Anyway, Jacob continues to nervously try to get RNSM out of Bella's arms, until finally she is like, WHAT THE HELL BUDDY. Then she sees the way Jacob is looking at her daughter, like “a blind man seeing the sun for the first time.” That is an appropriate metaphor, actually! Because a man with recently restored sight should really NOT be looking at the sun! This is such a bad idea, please stop, blind man!
“No!” I gasped.
This part is great, even though I know nothing is really going to come of it. We can pretend for now, right? Bella hands off the baby to Rose* and chases Jacob out of the house while he tries to explain himself. He defends it as “involuntary” and then tries to sell it to Bella as the way everything will work out. Like this is their happily ever after.
Bella's also wondering why Jacob is still kicking around—she feels bad for him, thinking he must be suffering. Edward is maddeningly reluctant to tell Bella that Jacob has imprinted on her daughter—I mean, Bella has been mentioning Jacob non-stop for two chapters only to be greeted with absolute silence every single time—and he eventually explains that Jacob begged for the right to explain it to her himself. And he agreed to that? Edward's reaction is far too measured. I can't believe that he fervently loves his daughter on the one hand but didn't rip Jacob's balls off with the other. Be decisive, just this once, asshole! Edward is Barack Obama.
Edward gives Bella his shirt because—it is implied—her tits are hanging out of her dress, and they run home. Bella is surprised when Jacob comes out to meet them, well, more like ambushes them. It becomes clear that he is doing so in order to test Bella's self control before she touches RNSM. Our narrator is shocked by Jacob's selflessness, risking himself for her baby, for whom he ain't even care. I get the irony, but this is really boring irony, right? The other problem with this is that it has been firmly established since New Moon that vampires and werewolves are repulsed by each other. But WHATEVER, maybe newborns are less picky about their food. Of course, we just recently learned Bella is not like a newborn much at all, really, but I already said WHATEVER.
Bella resists killing Jacob, and pretty soon they're just trading insults and Bella is marveling at what a good guy Jacob is. You say that now! When Edward kisses Bella and tells her he loves her, Bella is astonished to see that there is no change in Jacob's expression, no brief reveal of inner anguish. She must be so disappointed.
“Wait, this isn't making Jacob feel horrible? Stop kissing me, Edward!”-Bella Cullen
“I can't orgasm unless it is at the expense of someone else.” Bella Cullen
Jacob is not the first person to look at Bella and remark that she barely looks like herself. (“You still look like you... sort of. Maybe it's not the look so much as... you are Bella. I didn't think it would feel like you were still here.”) Is this a detail that is going to be ignored by the films, or is Vampire Bella going to be played by Jena Malone or Kat Dennings or something?
The reveal about Jacob is delayed over and over again: Bella will ask an impertinent question or there will be a reference to RNSM and either Edward or Jacob will change the subject. The irritating part is that Bella POINTS OUT that they are changing the subject, but doesn't press the issue even after people have very obviously avoided discussing it with her LITERALLY a dozen times.
So then it is time to go see the baby. Recall that early in this book we heard about the immortal terror babies that once plagued the earth, forcing the Volturi to go on a world-wide abortion spree. Our first glimpse of RNSM suggested that maybe she'd be something similar: she did bite Bella's tit, after all. And wouldn't that have been an interesting way to go? The story of the horrors of being new, young parents amplified by supernatural elements. You think your kid was bad? Wait until you see RNSM hit the terrible twos (three days from now)!
But that would have been, you know, complex and interesting. And this is Twilight, and those two adjectives have no place here. RNSM is a perfect docile wonder child. Ho-hum.
Bella first sees her baby behind a protective wall of Cullens, and is entranced by her from the get-go. There is a protracted scene in which Bella wants to hold her baby but Jasper and Emmett won't let her, and then Jasper is shocked (and maybe kind of jealous?) over Bella's self control, and all the while Alice just stands off to the side urging Jasper and the rest of the Cullens to stop wasting time and just let Bella have her fucking baby already. In so many words. So does that mean Alice's powers have returned to her? There is no explanation yet.
There's a genuinely entertaining moment, though, when Edward seems to deliberately toy with his family, mentioning that they ran into a hiker on their hunting trip. Carlisle, Esme, and Jacob are immediately shocked and appalled, Emmett and Jasper seem unsurprised. As for Alice:
Alice's expression told me that she was not fooled. Her narrowed eyes, focused with burning intensity on my borrowed shirt, seemed more worried about what I'd done to my dress than anything else.
Or she's trying to see your nipples. Edward reveals what happened, that Bella didn't kill anybody, and most of the Cullens are pleased. But Jasper doesn't seem to be taking it well. Can I give S. Meyer a little credit? This is pretty cool, and is cooler for being underdeveloped. When Bella tries to press through the Cullens to get to her baby, Jasper won't let her.
“Jazz, this isn't anything you've seen before,” Alice said quietly. “Trust me.”
RNSM has caused problems for both Alice and Jasper, made them question their abilities, which is kind of a funny twist on what happens to childless couples when all of their friends have kids. Alice & Jasper are Pete & Trudy Campbell.
So everyone in the family is apparently pretty obsessed with RNSM, but mostly Jacob, Rose, Edward, and now Bella. All the people I hate the most, in other words. This scene approaches ridiculousness with the way at least two people seem to be holding on to RNSM at all times. When Bella finally gets her baby in her arms, Jacob is holding her too, their bodies practically pressed together.
When Bella holds her child she has a motherly moment of recognition, and suddenly holding her is perfectly “natural.” Does that include the pedophile werewolf crowding your space? But anyway, the big thing that happens is RNSM touches Bella's face, and projects an image into her mind. Like the Vulcan mind meld, basically. (Spock was a half-breed too, right?) Edward alluded to this earlier, that RNSM can communicate even though she doesn't speak. Carlisle remarks that it's like she has the opposite of Edward's power—he can pull thoughts from people's brains, she can put them there. Does that mean if Alice and Jasper had a kid, it would be like, a really good historian who could mellow him-or-herself out really easily? A history professor at Berkley, maybe? And if Rosalie and Emmett had a kid, it would be really nice and really smart? HEYYOOOO. Anyway, RNSM gives Bella an image of the birth scene, which is a really nice thing to remind your mother about.
Anyway, Jacob continues to nervously try to get RNSM out of Bella's arms, until finally she is like, WHAT THE HELL BUDDY. Then she sees the way Jacob is looking at her daughter, like “a blind man seeing the sun for the first time.” That is an appropriate metaphor, actually! Because a man with recently restored sight should really NOT be looking at the sun! This is such a bad idea, please stop, blind man!
“No!” I gasped.
This part is great, even though I know nothing is really going to come of it. We can pretend for now, right? Bella hands off the baby to Rose* and chases Jacob out of the house while he tries to explain himself. He defends it as “involuntary” and then tries to sell it to Bella as the way everything will work out. Like this is their happily ever after.
(*thanks, Anon)
“Because you're the one who told me this. Do you remember? You said we belonged in each other's lives, right? That we were family. You said that was how you and I were supposed to be. So...now we are. It's what you wanted.”
In Jacob's mind, he and RNSM are already married. That's the interpretation I came away with, and Bella did too. “You think you'll be part of my family as my son-in-law?” she hisses. KILL HIM, BELLA!
(What's also upsetting is that Jacob's explanation is probably how S. Meyer feels, too. Bella comes to the conclusion the audience comes to, and then Jacob tells us why we are wrong. The structure of the dialog gives away S. Meyer's position.)
Jacob is appalled she would think of it that way, which once again illustrates the problematic ambiguity of this whole thing. If that isn't what he means, what could he mean? Does imprinting have this avuncular element to it first? Because, again: that transition is a fucking sketchy transition!
“It's not that weird! I will be like her uncle until I am her husband! What is the big deal?”-An Asshole
But it's not the psychosexual, heteronormative-to-a-scary-fault nature of the beast that sets Bella off. It's that Jacob refers to RNSM as “Nessie.” You have to admit, that is a step up. But still: get him, girl! She lunges for his throat, and the chapter ends. Good. Jacob is dead, right? She's going to tear his head off and drink his blood and spread his remains across the country, right? Please?
“Because you're the one who told me this. Do you remember? You said we belonged in each other's lives, right? That we were family. You said that was how you and I were supposed to be. So...now we are. It's what you wanted.”
In Jacob's mind, he and RNSM are already married. That's the interpretation I came away with, and Bella did too. “You think you'll be part of my family as my son-in-law?” she hisses. KILL HIM, BELLA!
(What's also upsetting is that Jacob's explanation is probably how S. Meyer feels, too. Bella comes to the conclusion the audience comes to, and then Jacob tells us why we are wrong. The structure of the dialog gives away S. Meyer's position.)
Jacob is appalled she would think of it that way, which once again illustrates the problematic ambiguity of this whole thing. If that isn't what he means, what could he mean? Does imprinting have this avuncular element to it first? Because, again: that transition is a fucking sketchy transition!
“It's not that weird! I will be like her uncle until I am her husband! What is the big deal?”-An Asshole
But it's not the psychosexual, heteronormative-to-a-scary-fault nature of the beast that sets Bella off. It's that Jacob refers to RNSM as “Nessie.” You have to admit, that is a step up. But still: get him, girl! She lunges for his throat, and the chapter ends. Good. Jacob is dead, right? She's going to tear his head off and drink his blood and spread his remains across the country, right? Please?
2 comments:
Just pointing out a slight error: "Bella hands off the baby to RNSM and chases Jacob out "
Please don’t compare Twilight to Star Trek. That’s blasphemy, sir. It was cute the first time with the whole ‘phaser’-thing, but let’s not cross the line.
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