Wednesday, May 4, 2011

BLOGGING BREAKING DAWN, pt. 36: The Pain From An Old Wound

At the end of the last chapter, Jacob sat with RNSM and answered her questions about what was happening at Chez Cullen these days, about Carlisle's vampire friends coming around and all that. Bella watched, annoyed. “Renesmee already understood only too clearly what was going on,” she complained. “Wasn't shielding her more important than answering her questions?” Twilight: answering the important questions about child-rearing since 2008!

Here's the other thing: much as I want to believe that Alice has bailed for totally selfish reasons (since that would be interesting and complicated), I'm already thinking that won't be the case. Here's what happens after Bella assures RNSM that whatever Alice is doing, it's the right thing:

The right thing for Alice anyway. I hated thinking of her that way, but how else could the situation be understood?

Right, because that is definitely something you say when you see only one way to understand a given situation. Hahahaha. “It's not as though Alice could have possibly been up to something else entirely that I just didn't see yet but would probably understand eventually!” Jesus.

Chapter 30: Irresistible

Bella, Edward, and RNSM return to the cottage that night, even though they have every flat surface in Chez Cullen available to them at the moment—what a waste. Bella's head is swimming with questions for Edward, but once they put the kid to bed he flies into full-on fuck mode (where has all your propriety gone, dear Edward?) which is how they spend the duration of the evening. It still pisses me off that a sentence like this

I didn't think of my questions for the rest of that night.

are what passes for erotic around here, but what can you do? Leave it to Bella, by the way, to be anal-(wait for it)-retentive about sexual desire: “I'd been planning on needing years to somewhat organize the overwhelming passion I felt for him physically,” she says. What, was she going to make a spreadsheet? But anyway, now she's realizing that all of this might end, so the suggestion is that she's just like “Put it in my ass! Put it in my ear!” and the two of them are just like, to the WINDOWWWW to the WALL, till venom drip down Edward's balls, etc.

Next day they get ready for the arrival of the Denali gang, wondering how they'll get the news about RNSM to them without causing a freakout. You know you've done a bad job writing a convincing novel when YOUR CHARACTERS wonder aloud how to make their lives seem plausible. Bella then asks Edward for fight training, which leads to a discussion of what the Volturi's strategic advantages are.

“Damn, I'm missing out on this conversation?”-Jasper Whitlock

We learn that Jane's brother Alec has an even scarier power than hers: he can cause “total sensory deprivation” on not one but dozens of vampires at a time. “You are utterly alone in the blackness,” Edward says. “You don't even feel it when they burn you.” Heavy. Bella realizes she's probably immune to that scary-ass shit though, and starts to plot how she could take little Alec out, if things come to blows. Oh god, now I hope there's a fight, just so in the movie I can see Kristen Stewart kick the head off a little kid—boot that thing into the trees like she's kicking a field goal, you know? If a book with a bunch of uncomfortable pro-life symbols (no matter what Stewart says) ends with the brutal murder of a 9-year old vampire (a fiftieth-trimester abortion, basically), that'll be enough of a wash for me. It's notable that Bella can talk about killing Alec and Jane without any hesitation, especially given something that comes up later, which we should maybe start calling the Volturi Question.

Are the Volturi evil or not? Evidence is mixed. They sure SEEMED scary the first time Bella encountered them, but in the end Aro was actually kind of friendly! When a few of the Volturi returned in Eclipse, they just kind of came off as assholes. And coming off as an asshole isn't a murder-worthy offense, is it? Now, sometimes it seems like S. Meyer is treating this ambiguity as, you know, ambiguous. When Bella finds out that Denali vamp Eleazar used to be a member of the Volturi she is shocked, but Edward rhetorically treats it as like, a stint in the army. The Volturi are “only alleged to be heinous and evil by the criminals,” he reminds her. But of course, he reminds her with a “twisted” smile on his face. Am I the only person who has difficulty sussing out how I'm supposed to feel about this?

So yeah, Alice apparently urged the family to talk to Eleazar because of his Volturi knowledge. Bella wonders how he ever got out of that gig, and Edward tells her that technically the Volturi is an all-volunteer army. “He wasn't one of their warriors,” he says.”He had a gift they found convenient.” Let me guess: really good accounting skills. No, actually Eleazar can apparently sense what other vampire powers are. Hey, that's nice, given that we still don't know what Bella's power is! Will he also be able to determine the make and model of her new car? Because that's another one we've left dangling! Eleazar met Carmen, who was a similarly compassionate vampire, and he went to Aro and was like “The game ain't in me no more. None of it.” And Aro was like, “Okay Eleazar, here's some money to start a gym.”
Edward decides to greet their visitors alone first, so as not to overwhelm them; Bella, RNSM, and Jacob wait at the dining room table around the corner. Sure, because that isn't weird. RNSM actually speaks a few words at the table, and doesn't even use her whole mind-meld thing at the table, and does all the dishes on a whole other level. What's weird about RNSM actually bothering to talk now is it's actually kind of affecting? She snuggles into Bella's neck and says “What if they don't like me?” and I was like awwwwww. And then she says “This is my fault,” and I was like DAWWWWWWWW!

Then the new folks show up, and this is where started to wonder if it's going to matter if I keep track of all these people. There's Tanya, Eleazar ("Cutty" from here on out, I'm sick of writing Eleazar out already), Carmen, and Kate. Kate and Tanya, remember, were the ones making all of those awkward spinster jokes at Bella's wedding. Nice ladies! Cutty's got it made though, right? Living in Alaska with three women, two of whom are desperately lonely? If he doesn't get a little four-way action, he at least gets to watch some stuff, I bet.

Anyway, Edward is really good at making his guests feel at ease. NOT!

“Is Carlisle all right?” a male voice asked anxiously. Eleazar.
“None of us is all right, Eleazar,” Edward said, and then he patted something, maybe Eleazar's shoulder. “But physically, Carlisle is fine.”
“Physically?” Tanya asked sharply. “What to you mean?”


JUST SPIT IT OUT EDWARD! T-T-T-T-TODAY JUNIOR! So Edward urges them to reserve judgment, then brings Bella and RNSM out, and all of them are like “REALLY!? REALLY!? REALLY!!!” and Edward is like “I told you to fucking wait.” Carmen is the first one to stop freaking out, and she ends up allowing RNSM to project some images into her head. It wins her over.

Renesmee grinned, clearly delighted with Carmen's acceptance, and touched Eleazar lightly on the forehead.
“Ay caray!” he spit, and jerked away from her.


Good instinct, Cutty. Eventually everybody takes a turn, and RNSM's little show easily gets everyone on her side. So it's this, basically:

Edward then explains the bizarre stakes of the rest of this book to them; when they realize that Irina caused all of it, they're overwhelmed with guilt and pledge to help fight and die if necessary. It's weird to me that RNSM can inspire such dedication in everyone. I mean, her? There's a moment that is supposed to be sort of like that “I serve at the pleasure of the President” scene from The West Wing when everybody says they're joining the Cullen's mission.

Kate flashed a grin back and then shrugged nonchalantly. “I'm in.”
“I, too, will do whatever I can to protect the child,” Carmen agreed. Then, as if she couldn't resist, she held her arms out toward Renesmee. “May I hold you,
bebe linda?”

I'm trying to figure out why this is happening. I mean, can you think of another time just seeing a baby inspired so much from so many people?
Oh fuck.

1 comment:

Kim said...

With regards to the Volturi, I don't think the ambiguity is as purposeful as it comes off. I think she's trying to go for a feeling that the Cullens see them on a different level than everyone else. Like on the outside they're nice and orderly and just trying to protect the vampire way and other vampires are cool with that because they also follow the vampire way. But really the Volturi are evil and just out for power and the Cullens are the only ones who can really see that (because they're "vegetarian" and better than everyone else...?). In her mind, the Cullens are like the last feisty wife in Stepford.