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Chapter 1: Ultimatum
Eclipse starts out with a letter from Jacob, replete with fake-handwriting font and ink splatter clip-art. It's very realistic looking (sarcasm). Every line on the first page is crossed out – we're looking at Jacob's false starts. Why do I not buy Jacob putting so much thought into a letter? I'm not saying Mr. Black is stupid, but he once tried to put his M&Ms in alphabetical order. He once tripped over a cordless phone. Once I stood next to him and I could hear the ocean. Anyway, Jacob has rejected lines like “What part of 'mortal enemies is too complicated for you to...” and finally settles on “Yeah, I miss you, too. A lot. Doesn't change anything. Sorry.” That's the whole letter. Brevity is the soul of what, again?
And it turns out this letter, with all that crossed-out shit on it, is in Bella's possession. So either Jacob is extraordinarily passive-aggressive or they really don't like wasting paper on the Reservation. Bella's reading the letter and sulking because Jacob isn't her friend anymore. “Behind each angry beginning lurked a vast pool of hurt,” she says. It seems like we're picking up more or less immediately after New Moon ended then, vast pools of hurt sort of being New Moon's wheelhouse; also Bella is still grounded, Edward is still talking about making their love legit in the eyes of the state of Washington, and Jacob is still mad. Okay.
Bella is interrupted from her sulking session by a burning smell, which turns out to be Charlie trying to cook; he's microwaving a sealed jar of spaghetti sauce. This is S. Meyer's way of re-introducing Bella's dad as “bumbling,” by the way. Like the beginning of New Moon, we get some of that awkwardly worked-in exposition: Bella mentions Edward by name, then as “my boyfriend” just in case there are some stragglers picking the story up now. Edward and Bella are dating, okay? Check. Bella bristles at her own use of the word boyfriend, complaining that “words like destiny and fate sounded hokey when you used them in casual conversation.” Yet in nearly the same breath she shudders at the thought that Edward would rather the word be “fiancee.” I'm not quite sure how to square that. Okay, Bella is 18 years old, which is “too young to get married.” But it's “too young to get married” because it's “too young to lock yourself in to a relationship for eternity,” which is still (literally) what Bella is trying to do. The eternal commitment is the thing! Bella's mom isn't opposed to marriage for political reasons, you know? She wants Bella to fuck a lot of guys is all!
As it happens, Charlie has a similar thing in mind. Bella describes the parameters of her punishment – which are actually not very strict! – Edward can visit every day from seven to nine-thirty. This is in addition to school and in addition to the eight hours or so he secretly spends in Bella's bedroom every night doing god knows what (Literally. I have no idea what they could be doing. They're not having sex, at least). But Charlie has made her dinner in order to tell her he's un-grounding her anyway. That was easy! Bella's getting out of jail like Avon Barksdale (if that isn't a rap lyric already, it needs to be). He's got a condition, though. But it's more of a request than a demand:
“Bella, this is more of a request than a demand, okay? You're free. But I'm hoping you'll use that freedom... judiciously.”
He wants her to spend more time with her friends. She's quick to point out that she spends plenty of time with Alice, who apparently is not subject to Charlie's time constraints. “She came and went as she pleased,” Bella says. “Charlie was putty in her capable hands.” Aren't we all? Charlie starts name dropping other kids from Forks High – people I'd forgotten existed – and Bella goes off on a little narrative tangent about high school politics using surprisingly Bushian terms (referring to social groupings as “good vs. evil,” talking about an “anti-Bella agenda”). Apparently Bella's friend Angela (who is apparently like, her good friend now) sits “dutifully” beside Alice at lunch every day and even looks “comfortable” there now. She's Canada in the War on Terror. “It was difficult not to be charmed by the Cullens – once one gave them the chance to be charming,” Bella says. So Angela and Alice must be fucking, right?
Bella argues that she spends time with those friends at school, which is all she's been allowed to do lately anyway, and Charlie finally makes it clear that he's talking about Jacob. Bella hesitates, realizing that she can't tell him about Jacob's ancient grudge against vampires, but ends up giving Charlie a better reason anyway: Jacob wants to be more than friends. Charlie, not grasping the fact that Jacob is willing to be “more than friends” by force, doesn't seem to think it's a bad idea. But this is left unresolved, Charlie isn't strict enough to mandate anything specific. We're just establishing some tension here; Charlie is Team Jacob, okay. It's fundamentally bogus tension, of course, so it's sort of irritating to watch Bella/S. Meyer leap through increasingly narrow rhetorical hoops in order to justify it. I love Jacob (as a friend), I can't bear to hurt him (as a friend), I miss him (as a friend). It's almost like we're expected to ignore those parentheticals, like we're supposed to see this the way Jacob does.
Charlie and Bella start talking college; Bella ignored most of her college-application duties during her deep depression, but Charlie tosses her a thick envelope that came in the mail. It's already open.
“I was curious.”
“I'm shocked, Sheriff. That's a federal crime.”
Charlie is the Sheriff now? Did he get a promotion when we weren't looking? Or is Bella just going for the cheap alliteration? Turns out she's been accepted to the University of Alaska Southeast (there are multiple Universities of Alaska?), and when they get on to the subject of Edward's post-graduate plans, speak of the vampire, he shows up. My god, we went seventeen pages without Edward? S. Meyer is testing our patience. Bella launches into another ridiculous description of her betrothed-to-be-betrothed, literally praising “the smooth marble span of his forehead.” So fucking hot. She drinks him in – poor Bella needs to get laid so bad – and this happens:
“It was a face any model in the world would trade his soul for. Of course, that might be exactly the asking price: one soul.”
What is happening to Bella that she is suddenly buying all the snake (and wolf and vampire) oil everyone is selling? She doesn't challenge the 'mortal enemies' assertion about vampires and werewolves, she buys into Edward's ridiculous soul-loss premise – it only seems like one person has lost her soul here, if you know what I mean (Bella is betraying her former self is what I mean).
They lock hands, and then Edward smells Bella's wrist. “Enjoying the bouquet while resisting the wine, as he once put it,” Bella says. That is the normal way men show their affection – showing their appreciation for the deliciousness of their lover's blood. I'm enjoying the vomit while vomiting the vomit over here.
Edward has come bearing college applications. It becomes increasingly clear that Edward is doing this in part to try to persuade Bella away from becoming a vampire right after high school. He wants her to see college, too. It's suggested he's been bribing various outlets of higher education (including Dartmouth, you're welcome Dartmouth) to accept Bella's late application. Edward's whole thing about wanting Bella to have human experiences doesn't really hold up here, though he invokes it. You have to admit – the “college experiences” most people think about are not what Edward would have in mind! “You might enjoy a semester or two of college. There are lot of human experiences you haven't had,” he says. What could he possibly mean?
“Bella, I want you to get really drunk and throw up your stomach lining a few times. I want you to have one-night stands you can't remember. I want you to join a sorority. I want you to take up smoking. I want you to blow a professor for a better grade. I want you to take a semester abroad so you can fuck Europeans. I want you to go to a toga party. I want you to experiment with homosexuality. I want you to go to Cancun. I want you do cocaine off a stripper's ass. I want you to live your life.”- Edward Cullen
Theology classes and a capella groups are the same whether you're a human or a vampire, Edward! Even the bribing thing doesn't really square with his morality, does it? (“It's really important to me that you attend a corrupt, bloated Ivy League school with a bunch of asshole legacies.”-Edward Cullen) I guess we should be happy that Edward even thinks women should go to college, right?
Charlie asks where Edward's been accepted and he rattles off a list: Syracuse, Dartmouth, Harvard, and the University of Alaska Southeast. Charlie is impressed, and implies that Carlisle wouldn't be happy if Edward ditched the Ivy League for Alaska. Edward says Carlisle is down with whatever. But, uh, obviously Charlie isn't, right? Edward has just set himself up to piss Charlie off when he inevitably decides against Harvard, the better to fuck your daughter, you know what I mean? Bad strategery over here.
Upon being informed of Bella's parole, Edward remarks that Alice would love a shopping partner in the city.
“We'll have some drinks, go into some dressing rooms, see what happens.”-Alice Cullen
But Charlie bristles at “the city.” Apparently there has been an outbreak of gang violence in Seattle. Gang violence in Seattle? Edward takes an immediate interest in the newspaper story Charlie is referring to, and when Charlie leaves the room to watch TV, Edward explains that the rash of murders is probably a renegade vampire.
“You'd be surprised, Bella, at how often my kind are the source behind the horrors in your human news.”
Human news? In S. Meyer's world, vampires are doctors and the leaders of small Italian villages. They're very much a part of our world. There isn't a wizard/muggle dynamic happening. The news is your news too, Edward. Clearly! The violence in Seattle bears the hallmarks of a newborn (as in, newly made) vampire, and Edward laments that “no one seems to be taking responsibility for the neophyte.” What is this? The profoundly selfish Cullens, who casually walked past mass-slaughter in Volterra, who didn't seem to get involved in World War II despite their powers, who nonetheless preach about Jesus and are trying to escape eternal damnation, are finally developing a real moral compass? NOPE.
He took a deep breath. “Well, it's not our problem. We wouldn't even pay attention to the situation if it wasn't going on so close to home.”
Bella starts fearing that she will become a ruthless, uncontrollable murderer when she transforms. She sees the names in the newspaper and can't shake them. “It was different from considering murder in the abstract, reading those names.” So I guess it was abstract when dozens of people in Volterra got murdered and Bella cursed her tears for obscuring her vision of Edward? THIS BOOK IS SO CONSISTENT. Did all of New Moon not even happen? Is it getting ret-conned?
Edward and Bella start talking about Jacob, and Edward forbids her from seeing him. Trying to change the subject rapidly, he starts teasing Bella about the fact that she's reading Wuthering Heights again. I thought we were going with Robert Frost poems for this book? Are we going to have MULTIPLE literary motifs? Oh boy.
A discussion of the book itself follows. I mean Wuthering Heights, not Eclipse. Although some of Edward's insights could apply to both:
“The characters are ghastly people who ruin each others' lives.”
Bella, or maybe S. Meyer, explains that their love is what redeems these characters: “Nothing can keep them apart – not her selfishness, or his evil, or even death, in the end...” I see what you're doing there, S. Meyer. Edward does too, in part, immediately deciding to compare himself to Heathcliff so he can feel bad. Never misses a chance to self-loathe, this guy.
Bella again demands to see Jacob. Edward again refuses. He tells her it isn't safe, and he's right. And Bella thinks of scarred-up Emily and knows he's right. But she still wants to. That's our Bella! Our Bella doesn't listen to the dogma being fed to her by the sexist men all around her. Our Bella goes out and gets herself fucked to death of her own accord! Equality!
Bella tries to reason with Edward. “Jacob is in pain,” she says. He wraps his arms around her to comfort her, but gets more and more “rigid” as she talks. SYMBOLISM. “His hands were in fists now, the tendons standing out,” she says. What a wonderfully charged situation, eh? Edward is still grateful for everything Jacob did to protect Bella while he was in absentia, but knows Jacob is easily capable of murder/rape, which he is also capable of himself. Jacob is filled with disgust at the idea of Bella as a vampire, but still wants to fuck her. Bella knows both men could easily murder/rape her, but wants to keep both of them happy. What to do, what to do?
Suicide, probably. Right? All of them should kill themselves. Yeah, that would fix it.
And it turns out this letter, with all that crossed-out shit on it, is in Bella's possession. So either Jacob is extraordinarily passive-aggressive or they really don't like wasting paper on the Reservation. Bella's reading the letter and sulking because Jacob isn't her friend anymore. “Behind each angry beginning lurked a vast pool of hurt,” she says. It seems like we're picking up more or less immediately after New Moon ended then, vast pools of hurt sort of being New Moon's wheelhouse; also Bella is still grounded, Edward is still talking about making their love legit in the eyes of the state of Washington, and Jacob is still mad. Okay.
Bella is interrupted from her sulking session by a burning smell, which turns out to be Charlie trying to cook; he's microwaving a sealed jar of spaghetti sauce. This is S. Meyer's way of re-introducing Bella's dad as “bumbling,” by the way. Like the beginning of New Moon, we get some of that awkwardly worked-in exposition: Bella mentions Edward by name, then as “my boyfriend” just in case there are some stragglers picking the story up now. Edward and Bella are dating, okay? Check. Bella bristles at her own use of the word boyfriend, complaining that “words like destiny and fate sounded hokey when you used them in casual conversation.” Yet in nearly the same breath she shudders at the thought that Edward would rather the word be “fiancee.” I'm not quite sure how to square that. Okay, Bella is 18 years old, which is “too young to get married.” But it's “too young to get married” because it's “too young to lock yourself in to a relationship for eternity,” which is still (literally) what Bella is trying to do. The eternal commitment is the thing! Bella's mom isn't opposed to marriage for political reasons, you know? She wants Bella to fuck a lot of guys is all!
As it happens, Charlie has a similar thing in mind. Bella describes the parameters of her punishment – which are actually not very strict! – Edward can visit every day from seven to nine-thirty. This is in addition to school and in addition to the eight hours or so he secretly spends in Bella's bedroom every night doing god knows what (Literally. I have no idea what they could be doing. They're not having sex, at least). But Charlie has made her dinner in order to tell her he's un-grounding her anyway. That was easy! Bella's getting out of jail like Avon Barksdale (if that isn't a rap lyric already, it needs to be). He's got a condition, though. But it's more of a request than a demand:
“Bella, this is more of a request than a demand, okay? You're free. But I'm hoping you'll use that freedom... judiciously.”
He wants her to spend more time with her friends. She's quick to point out that she spends plenty of time with Alice, who apparently is not subject to Charlie's time constraints. “She came and went as she pleased,” Bella says. “Charlie was putty in her capable hands.” Aren't we all? Charlie starts name dropping other kids from Forks High – people I'd forgotten existed – and Bella goes off on a little narrative tangent about high school politics using surprisingly Bushian terms (referring to social groupings as “good vs. evil,” talking about an “anti-Bella agenda”). Apparently Bella's friend Angela (who is apparently like, her good friend now) sits “dutifully” beside Alice at lunch every day and even looks “comfortable” there now. She's Canada in the War on Terror. “It was difficult not to be charmed by the Cullens – once one gave them the chance to be charming,” Bella says. So Angela and Alice must be fucking, right?
Bella argues that she spends time with those friends at school, which is all she's been allowed to do lately anyway, and Charlie finally makes it clear that he's talking about Jacob. Bella hesitates, realizing that she can't tell him about Jacob's ancient grudge against vampires, but ends up giving Charlie a better reason anyway: Jacob wants to be more than friends. Charlie, not grasping the fact that Jacob is willing to be “more than friends” by force, doesn't seem to think it's a bad idea. But this is left unresolved, Charlie isn't strict enough to mandate anything specific. We're just establishing some tension here; Charlie is Team Jacob, okay. It's fundamentally bogus tension, of course, so it's sort of irritating to watch Bella/S. Meyer leap through increasingly narrow rhetorical hoops in order to justify it. I love Jacob (as a friend), I can't bear to hurt him (as a friend), I miss him (as a friend). It's almost like we're expected to ignore those parentheticals, like we're supposed to see this the way Jacob does.
Charlie and Bella start talking college; Bella ignored most of her college-application duties during her deep depression, but Charlie tosses her a thick envelope that came in the mail. It's already open.
“I was curious.”
“I'm shocked, Sheriff. That's a federal crime.”
Charlie is the Sheriff now? Did he get a promotion when we weren't looking? Or is Bella just going for the cheap alliteration? Turns out she's been accepted to the University of Alaska Southeast (there are multiple Universities of Alaska?), and when they get on to the subject of Edward's post-graduate plans, speak of the vampire, he shows up. My god, we went seventeen pages without Edward? S. Meyer is testing our patience. Bella launches into another ridiculous description of her betrothed-to-be-betrothed, literally praising “the smooth marble span of his forehead.” So fucking hot. She drinks him in – poor Bella needs to get laid so bad – and this happens:
“It was a face any model in the world would trade his soul for. Of course, that might be exactly the asking price: one soul.”
What is happening to Bella that she is suddenly buying all the snake (and wolf and vampire) oil everyone is selling? She doesn't challenge the 'mortal enemies' assertion about vampires and werewolves, she buys into Edward's ridiculous soul-loss premise – it only seems like one person has lost her soul here, if you know what I mean (Bella is betraying her former self is what I mean).
They lock hands, and then Edward smells Bella's wrist. “Enjoying the bouquet while resisting the wine, as he once put it,” Bella says. That is the normal way men show their affection – showing their appreciation for the deliciousness of their lover's blood. I'm enjoying the vomit while vomiting the vomit over here.
Edward has come bearing college applications. It becomes increasingly clear that Edward is doing this in part to try to persuade Bella away from becoming a vampire right after high school. He wants her to see college, too. It's suggested he's been bribing various outlets of higher education (including Dartmouth, you're welcome Dartmouth) to accept Bella's late application. Edward's whole thing about wanting Bella to have human experiences doesn't really hold up here, though he invokes it. You have to admit – the “college experiences” most people think about are not what Edward would have in mind! “You might enjoy a semester or two of college. There are lot of human experiences you haven't had,” he says. What could he possibly mean?
“Bella, I want you to get really drunk and throw up your stomach lining a few times. I want you to have one-night stands you can't remember. I want you to join a sorority. I want you to take up smoking. I want you to blow a professor for a better grade. I want you to take a semester abroad so you can fuck Europeans. I want you to go to a toga party. I want you to experiment with homosexuality. I want you to go to Cancun. I want you do cocaine off a stripper's ass. I want you to live your life.”- Edward Cullen
It's very important to try this before you become a vampire.
Theology classes and a capella groups are the same whether you're a human or a vampire, Edward! Even the bribing thing doesn't really square with his morality, does it? (“It's really important to me that you attend a corrupt, bloated Ivy League school with a bunch of asshole legacies.”-Edward Cullen) I guess we should be happy that Edward even thinks women should go to college, right?
Charlie asks where Edward's been accepted and he rattles off a list: Syracuse, Dartmouth, Harvard, and the University of Alaska Southeast. Charlie is impressed, and implies that Carlisle wouldn't be happy if Edward ditched the Ivy League for Alaska. Edward says Carlisle is down with whatever. But, uh, obviously Charlie isn't, right? Edward has just set himself up to piss Charlie off when he inevitably decides against Harvard, the better to fuck your daughter, you know what I mean? Bad strategery over here.
Upon being informed of Bella's parole, Edward remarks that Alice would love a shopping partner in the city.
“We'll have some drinks, go into some dressing rooms, see what happens.”-Alice CullenBut Charlie bristles at “the city.” Apparently there has been an outbreak of gang violence in Seattle. Gang violence in Seattle? Edward takes an immediate interest in the newspaper story Charlie is referring to, and when Charlie leaves the room to watch TV, Edward explains that the rash of murders is probably a renegade vampire.
“You'd be surprised, Bella, at how often my kind are the source behind the horrors in your human news.”
Human news? In S. Meyer's world, vampires are doctors and the leaders of small Italian villages. They're very much a part of our world. There isn't a wizard/muggle dynamic happening. The news is your news too, Edward. Clearly! The violence in Seattle bears the hallmarks of a newborn (as in, newly made) vampire, and Edward laments that “no one seems to be taking responsibility for the neophyte.” What is this? The profoundly selfish Cullens, who casually walked past mass-slaughter in Volterra, who didn't seem to get involved in World War II despite their powers, who nonetheless preach about Jesus and are trying to escape eternal damnation, are finally developing a real moral compass? NOPE.
He took a deep breath. “Well, it's not our problem. We wouldn't even pay attention to the situation if it wasn't going on so close to home.”
Bella starts fearing that she will become a ruthless, uncontrollable murderer when she transforms. She sees the names in the newspaper and can't shake them. “It was different from considering murder in the abstract, reading those names.” So I guess it was abstract when dozens of people in Volterra got murdered and Bella cursed her tears for obscuring her vision of Edward? THIS BOOK IS SO CONSISTENT. Did all of New Moon not even happen? Is it getting ret-conned?
Edward and Bella start talking about Jacob, and Edward forbids her from seeing him. Trying to change the subject rapidly, he starts teasing Bella about the fact that she's reading Wuthering Heights again. I thought we were going with Robert Frost poems for this book? Are we going to have MULTIPLE literary motifs? Oh boy.
A discussion of the book itself follows. I mean Wuthering Heights, not Eclipse. Although some of Edward's insights could apply to both:
“The characters are ghastly people who ruin each others' lives.”
Bella, or maybe S. Meyer, explains that their love is what redeems these characters: “Nothing can keep them apart – not her selfishness, or his evil, or even death, in the end...” I see what you're doing there, S. Meyer. Edward does too, in part, immediately deciding to compare himself to Heathcliff so he can feel bad. Never misses a chance to self-loathe, this guy.
Bella again demands to see Jacob. Edward again refuses. He tells her it isn't safe, and he's right. And Bella thinks of scarred-up Emily and knows he's right. But she still wants to. That's our Bella! Our Bella doesn't listen to the dogma being fed to her by the sexist men all around her. Our Bella goes out and gets herself fucked to death of her own accord! Equality!
Bella tries to reason with Edward. “Jacob is in pain,” she says. He wraps his arms around her to comfort her, but gets more and more “rigid” as she talks. SYMBOLISM. “His hands were in fists now, the tendons standing out,” she says. What a wonderfully charged situation, eh? Edward is still grateful for everything Jacob did to protect Bella while he was in absentia, but knows Jacob is easily capable of murder/rape, which he is also capable of himself. Jacob is filled with disgust at the idea of Bella as a vampire, but still wants to fuck her. Bella knows both men could easily murder/rape her, but wants to keep both of them happy. What to do, what to do?
Suicide, probably. Right? All of them should kill themselves. Yeah, that would fix it.
3 comments:
I was also bothered by the reaction to the murders in Seattle. The Cullen's sense of morality is a shaky one, Edward especially. Premarital sex is bad, but mass murder is cool?
- i'm listening to 'harry potter and the half blood prince' on CD and it's so wonderful, i admit it makes swallowing stephie's writing really painful. a spoonful of graphic sex makes the hackneyed metaphors and florid descriptions go down, stephie!
- i continued to be completely revolted by how much of a weirdo bella is about edward. they're apart for a small window of the day, where she's working or whatever, and she is basically white-knuckling it the entire time. seriously, i would NEVER be friends with a girl like that. get a grip!
- there's another section where she gets all trembley about the vampires that want to kill her and all i could think, "fucking harry potter has the world's most powerful dark magician and all his followers after him and he's only 15 and he's all like, 'quidditch! snogging! homework!' bella is such a loser."
- some more anti-bella notes in my margin:
"what if i can't take this?" - re: her referring to edward as her personal miracle
"BARF"
"BARFxINFINITY"
"pathetic"
"i doubt that. dour bitch." re: her referring to her laughing
"AS IF" re: jacob's pain hurting her more than it hurt him
"yes you have! you're the worst cock tease ever!!!" - re: edward telling her she'd done nothing wrong
"all the ppl eaten in volterra had names and families, too, bella." -re: he getting bummed on the seattle victims
i am apparently finding it difficult to forgive bella for her awful behavior last book.
- i find it confounding that edward is content to just rely on alice's admittedly confusing and inconsistent powers to let them know about anything that's coming towards them, especially since all the trouble in the last book was caused by alice's partial vision.
-edward flings that wet paper on the table between them. what a dick!
-"his face changed while i spoke, turning hard again, statue-like." - which is, coincidentally, how i like my men.
-ugh, edward enchanted by bella's penchant for re-reading 'wuthering heights.' UGH. UUUUUUUGH. "his eyes were vivid with real interest now, trying - again - to unravel the convoluted workings of my mind." 'oh, bella! i love you so much that i find every quirk of your personality mysterious and endlessly fascinating! also, i'm your dad!' BAAAAARF. you know a generation of girls are going to be cultivating quirks so they can seem charmingly bookish like bella. BAAAARF.
-bummed that bella says she doesn't blame edward for the pain she'd suffered when he'd abandoned her in a scheme that only a 17 year old would think would work, and that a man who is 100 and has read literature and watched TV and movies, would know is doomed to failure, because that tactic NEVER works.
oops, still hate bella, i guess.
It's very true that Harry Potter's moral universe makes Twilight seem especially insane. And Harry Potter's depiction of female characters with agency makes Twilight seem especially sexist. And JK Rowling's writing makes S. Meyer's writing seem especially bad.
But luckily, eventually the Deathly Hallows movies will come out and break all of the box-office records set by Twilight and we can all feel a little better about all of this.
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