DID YOU SEE IT? DIDDDD YOUUUU SEEEEE ITTTTT? I haven't yet, I will maybe go on Monday? Or Sunday, who knows? But anyway if you have thoughts to share, share them! Don't worry about spoilers in the comments, because A. we already read the book and B. I will just read them later.A few links from this week:
- COUNTDOWN TO BREAKING DAWN: La Isla Indescrita
- There But For The Grace Of God Go Die
- Viva La Ashley Greene
- Kellan Lutz Likes Having A Gay Around
- Does The Black Carpet Match The Drapes?
- NOBODY IMPRINTS BABY IN A CORNER
- Turning And Turning In The Widening Gyre
- Blogging The Hunger Games: Killing Yourself To Live
- COUNTDOWN TO BREAKING DAWN: Honor Amongst Louts, Rapists & Thieves
- One More Thing
- [via 247Greene] AG on Jimmy Fallon
A few notable reviews (i.e. the ones I have read)
- Alison Willmore at the AV Club: "Where Twilight started as a “true love waits” metaphor, it makes in this segment a grotesquely unconvincing argument for maternal martyrdom, in the form of taking a baby to term even if it kills the mother. But that’s overthinking things..."
- Andrew O'Hehir at Salon: "Rarely have the metaphorical transformations of horror fiction been carried to such rococo extremes. Is this a story about a young woman coming of age or a deviant, heretical Christ legend with a female hero?"
- Dana Stevens at Slate: "In the book, I gather, Breaking Dawn’s unplanned-vampire-pregnancy plotline is something of a Trojan horse for a conservative, pro-life agenda: Apparently immortal mutant vampire life also begins at conception. Here, I wouldn’t say that’s a major factor (or if it is, there’s so much other allegorical weirdness in the air it’s hard to separate it out.)"
- Linda Holmes at NPR: "But when a saga popular with pre-adolescent girls peaks romantically on a night that leaves the heroine to wake up covered with bruises in the shape of her husband's hands — and when that heroine then spends the morning explaining to her husband that she's incredibly happy even though he injured her, and that it's not his fault because she understands he couldn't help it in light of the depth of his passion — that's profoundly irresponsible."
- Dan Kois at The Village Voice: "Expect much to be written about this, and for op-ed hacks on either side of the debate to squeeze Breaking Dawn for all it’s worth; the film’s actual politics are muddy. Bella, who’s willing to have the baby even though it’ll certainly kill her, could best be described as anti–life, while the vampires trying to strong-arm her might be pro–abortion, but they’re pretty determinedly anti–choice."
9 comments:
I haven't seen it yet, but the general consensus seems to be it's a hot mess or so bad it's good. Well, with the exception of one girl who thought it was amazing, but let's just say she's the type of girl who would think that. I want to know if it's worth fighting the crowds this weekend or if I should wait.
I just got back from the theater. I must admit that the movie exceeded my insanely low expectations. I wish I could build a time machine and have Bill Condon direct the first three installments. He managed to make the crappy source material quite palatable. Dare I say this was not terrible. I guess I dare.
Before I read what you two wrote, a few thoughts:
1. The closing credits were KILLER. They might be Bill Condon's most significant contribution. Also did you notice that AG got billed LAST? That's what you get for renegotiating, gurl.
2. A while ago on the blog I joked that the birth scene might just be red and black squares. I SORT OF CALLED IT!
3. The grossout/body horror stuff was pretty enjoyable. It was as close to Black Swan as it could have gotten. But I sort of wish that stuff had gone further.
4. SPEAKING OF GOING FAR! I think the sex/lingerie stuff was pretty heavy! Like, you couldn't have asked for more (shots of K Stew's ass). AND THEN THERE WAS NIPPLE. Kristen Stewart's nipple was on FULL DISPLAY in that first sex flashback. WHOA.
5. They totally got out of making imprinting weird by flashing forward to Nessie as an adult. PUSSIES!
6. HOW WACK WAS THE WOLF ARGUMENT? I like how the music swelled so loud it was like they were trying to cover up the dialogue.
7. I love Ashley Greene but homegirl can't act her way out of a paper bag. Holy shit!
8. Who was the worst person in your theater? We had people freaking out and giggling for LITERALLY NO REASON.
9. Jackson Rathbone won the movie. "Possibly."-one of his biggest lines.
ANYWAY. I will say more, and this stuff again, soon.
Just watched it! We went for the monday matinee, so not many people, therefore we made our snarky comments as loud as we wanted. My thoughts:
Well, obviously the source material is horrendous, laced with sub-isms, reads like fanfic, and is incredibly boring. So not ver high expectations for the movie. Obviously it was boring as hell, romance was sickening/not believable, acting was sub-par at best, makeup/graphics bad.
BUT! The director did an incredible job of downplaying the bad parts: barely flashing to quil/claire, showing Nessie all grown up, adding in a shot of Eric and some actual lines for Jessica, no creepy Jacob checking out girls, and many more.
And he up-played the good-ish parts, or atleast the ones that make the fangirls the most happy: TWO wedding dresses, super long kiss and SEXY TIME SEX SCENES (saw the nipple!), dramatized wolf conflict and making it so this first movie had an actual plot, downplaying Leah/Jacob general bitchiness, downplaying boring pack parts, and of course the clincher- we don't have to suffer being in Bella's (and Jacob's) head. Also, like how he handled Bella's turning, Jacob's imprinting, the pack hivemind, basically all mind dialogues. I'm interested to see how he'll handle Nessie's powers and Bella's powers.
so in general, it greatly exceeded expectations. However: what happened to all the wolfy half-nakednessd?!?!? Like seriously wtf, how did Jacob and other dudes magically sprout t-shirts all the time?!?! Show me some abs yo!!!
Okay I just got home. I have a six-page draft text full of incoherent notes, from which I have gleaned these slightly less incoherent notes.
Sorry this is so damn long.
PART 1 of 2:
1. The closing credits WERE pretty killer. They looked like a White Stripes music video. I also found the post-credits button to be highly entertaining for all the wrong (right?) reasons.
2. I AM IRRATIONALLY DISTRESSED that I missed Kristen Stewart's nipple. Emphasis on IRRATIONALLY.
3. Going as chronologically as I can. I was kind of weirdly enjoying that Edward Murder flashback, at least until we had the heavy-handed series of dropped weapons. OH GOLLY YOU KILLED A BUNCH OF MURDERERS GOOD FOR YOU. Fuck. Bella rationalizing that away was a SUPER inauspicious start to a really gross movie.
4. That said there were several moments that I thought were ALMOST cool? Like if you ignored ALL the context. The dark-loving part of me really wanted the movie to be about Bella's hilarious nightmare hellscape. That was so camp and awesome. I also really enjoyed the moment where she freaked out before joining Edward in the water. Until she pulled herself together and ruined it, anyway.
5. Am I alone in feeling that Alice's haircut makes Ashley Greene's head look WAY too small for her body? Yikes.
6. The wedding speeches were hands down the best part. Anna Kendrick's was AMAZING. Charlie is still the best character, always and forever. I hate Renee though. She might be the worst actor in all the movies which, wow.
7. Literally every scene Jacob appeared in was awful and useless, but none so much as the wedding bit. I almost laughed out loud the last time they started twirling around. HOW MANY TIMES YOU GONNA DANCE AROUND, GUYS. Metaphors and shit. Also he is horrible and I hate him.
8. That huge sweeping shot of Rio's Christ statue almost made me laugh out loud. Oh my god. PLEASE make this shit more obvious, movie. (Don't worry, it will.)
9. Edward totally looked right into the camera before cliff diving. Hahahahaha.
10. The "Wise Old Ethnic Woman" trope is so tired and such an easy racist detail to include in your movie that I couldn't really do anything but roll my eyes about it and feel incredibly bored.
11. Bella repeating "Thing" in horror was the worst moment of the movie for me, possibly, except there was a lot of strong competition. Jesus Christ.
12. That horribly uncomfortable moment they have in the car before flying back. Robert Pattinson totally called it: divorce is inevitable.
13. Jacob seeing a split-second shot of mitosis during his anger run was amazing and I laughed pretty hard.
14. That wolf pack argument was HILARIOUS. Oh my god. I felt like I was suddenly watching The Jungle Book. Also Jacob LITERALLY rising up against Sam was really visually jarring in the worst/funniest way imaginable.
15. SETH. SETH WHAT KIND OF MOVIE DO YOU THINK THIS IS.
PART 2 of 2:
16. WHY. IS THERE A GIANT CRUCIFIX IN CHEZ CULLEN. Did anyone else see that thing. Seriously. SERIOUSLY. See earlier comment about Giant Jesus Statue.
17. The only moment in the movie where I had a physical facepalming reaction was when we saw that shot of Henry Fuseli's famous Nightmare painting with the imp perched on the woman. All the other art sampled at least looked SORT of related to this issue. THAT IS A FAMOUS PICTURE OF A NIGHTMARE. NOT A VAMPIRE. Okay I'm done. /huge nerd
18. God the abortion conversation was disgusting. I guess it's no more blatant and awful than it was in the books, but hearing actors speak it made it worse somehow. The whole fetus/baby terminology argument just made me want to throw up. Ugh ugh ugh.
19. On that note, suddenly vehemently siding with Edward when he gets mad at Bella for cutting him out of the decision making process was..... a weird experience for me.
20. Bella looked SO AWFUL and skeletal and it was kind of awesome. On a semi-related note, I have really hated KStew in all of these movies, but I thought she did a pretty okay job in this one. Pattinson too, I guess.
21. All I could think of during the blood-feeding scenes was "WHAT IF SOME SICK PERSON NEEDS THAT BLOOD."
22. Edward getting incepted by the baby was pretty gross.
23. I couldn't decide whether I loved or hated the bullshit joking and ribbing that went on around the name selection. Rosalie and Jacob siding with me and hating it made me feel dirty.
24. I have nothing to add about the body horror except that it was both excruciatingly gross and really lame. Cop-out. SPEAKING OF COP-OUTS what was with that extended moment Bella had being all YAY BABYYYY. Isn't she supposed to die immediately? That would have been way better than all the sappy bullshit.
25. Jacob, you are such a bitch for suddenly deciding not to kill Edward. When suddenly it occurred to me: if Stephie was so in love with her Romeo & Juliet parallel, wouldn't it have been AMAZING if Edward had successfully gotten the venom going and then Jacob HAD actually killed him? That would have been kind of great! OH WELL!
26. All the fake science of the venom in her bloodstream was just so over the top that I almost liked it. Almost.
27. Nope. Aging up Renesmee did not make the imprinting any less creepy for me. The moment when the baby turns and makes eye contact with him was ENOUGH.
28. The vampire/wolf fight was such a damn buzzkill. I wanted Edward to be way more fucked up than he was. He was all twitchy and freakin out and then he was like WHATEVER LET'S KILL SOME WOLVES. Man, I wanted him to lose his shit. This franchise is so stupid.
29. That ending was.... oh, I guess it was cool. Like much of the movie, it had me going back and forth between "okay I'll give it to you" and "AUGH KILL ME."
30. In conclusion: I want to write a screenplay with that whole scene where some girl gets herself ready for sex and then it ends up being legitimately weird and it's a story about her learning to have a healthy relationship with her body and her partner(s) or something. Because that scene was interesting except for where it was leading.
I was less bored than the other movies? But also more horrified in general. It looked good, sounded good, was written insidiously enough that almost all the massive plot holes sort of came off okay. And .... that's all I got.
Maybe this is stupid that I only just realized this but I ONLY JUST REALIZED that duh, it takes Bella three days to COME BACK FROM THE DEAD. OBVIOUSLY that's what the Christ Statue and the Giant Crucifix waiting for its Holy Martyr to Carry It Like A Burdensome Precious Fetusmonster was all about. Oh my god. Bella is Jesus. GROSS, CONDON.
Ok, so I finally got around to see it. I actually sort of loved it much more than I expected to. It was ridiculous, of course, but it a fun way. It was funnier than I expected, too. Plus, they managed to cut out most of that extra unneeded stuff and add in a few things that really streamlined the story. And thank god they left out that stupid, stupid car scene. Anyway, here are the random thoughts that ran through my head while I was watching it. Or at least, what I can remember of them.
I dug the whole fakeout wedding at the beginning. The blood all over them and the pile of bodies was a cool shot. Also, way better way to show her fears than anything the book did.
Renee is a shitty mom. That whole "oh looks like it's really happening" thing with the invitation? You're her mother. Shouldn't you already know it's happening?
Charlie is awesome. He continues to be one of my favorites. He reminds me a bunch of my dad, too. The not wanting to go into the room where she's getting prettied up was so cute. And the only part that legitimately got an actual emotional response out of me was when they started to walk down the aisle and they whole "don't let me fall" "never" part. And his speech! Oh man. That was too funny.
Jess is also awesome. The snide comment about being knocked up and her speech were great.
I get that Bella's all scared and shit, but maybe she should have worked on not looking like she was going to puke all over her dress as she walked down the aisle. Speaking of the dress, it was both better and worse than I expected. The front with that paneling was ugly. The back with the lace and buttons, though, so pretty. Also, part of me wishes my wedding had been decorated like that. The spinning wedding kiss thing was cheesy, but a good representation of how wrapped up in him she is. Also, I just kept thinking how awkwardly long it must be for the guests.
Best wedding speeches ever. I hope Emmet's speech was a sign that they'll follow through on all his ridiculous sex comments in the second half.
The scene with Jacob I didn't care much either way, other than maybe don't dance so closely with some other dude at your wedding?
Can I say again how very much I want the Cullen's house? Also, the one on Isle Esme.
The being nervous and getting ready before sex thing was kind of cute and real seeming. The sex on the other hand? I'm sorry, but there is no way two virgins would have that good of sex the first time. Plus, through that whole scene I just kept alternating between thinking "This is sort of uncomfortable to watch" and "It is a crime to destroy that beautiful bed."
My comment was two long, so part two:
If you are playing that much chess on your honeymoon, you're doing it
wrong. Bella trying to be seductive was funny, though. Also, super cute lingerie. Way to go Alice.
So, I guess the vampires don't sparkle anymore? But also, they looked so bad when they did that I don't really care.
The whole pregnancy discovery scene was pretty much exactly what I expected. Though, was she supposed to see a bump when she looked in the mirror? She pretty much looked skinny as usual to me. Also, without her inner monologue explaining why, it was less believable that she was happy about it. Of course, it works for the whole crazy brainwashed Bella thing, if that's what they were going for.
Oh, the second almost emotional response from me was the phone conversation with Charlie. As much as a copout it was, I'm glad they still get to see each other. Bella, I couldn't care less about. She made her choice, but Charlie shouldn't be punished for it.
I liked that they added in the conversation about imprinting and how it takes your will away. And I loved the flash towards Quil and Claire when Jacob scoffs at it being a good thing. They managed to make me almost feel sorry for Leah.
Aside from that, everything with the wolves was ridiculous. Then again, it always is, so what's new? I just kept wondering where they're clothes came from. Some of those outfits seemed like a lot of clothes to carry tied to your ankle.
The baby/fetus thing seemed like their way to point out how the whole thing is an anti-abortion parable, but they could have done more with that if they really wanted to. With that and the imprinting thing it seems both like they were trying to draw attention to and comment on the more troubling aspects of the book, but also sort of excuse them for the fans who like them. Like they wanted the best of both worlds.
She could have looked more gross. I've looked worse than that just from having the flu. I really wanted her to look like she was dying. The rest of the gross out stuff was cool, though. I wanted a little more, but I get that it was PG and all. The back breaking thing was great. And she did look really emaciated on the table all covered with blood and stuff. I just really liked the whole birth scene in general. Knowing that it couldn't be too gross and keep it's rating, they managed to satisfy my need for the horror of it.
Sorry, but even flashing forward can't excuse how creepy and gross and wrong the imprinting on Renesmee thing is. You can't fix that kind of ick.
The transformation stuff was also kind of cool. I liked that it flashed to her writhing and screaming in pain on the inside, while being totally still on the table, even if that's not really how morphine works. Her chest expanding as her ribs fixed themselves was a neat trick, too.
Umm, that's all I can remember right now. I know I had way more thoughts at the time, but this was the main gist of it.
Oh, and did I miss something post-credits? We didn't stay.
Post a Comment